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December 24th, 2007


12:04 pm
So this is pain.

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March 8th, 2007


01:51 am
I am a little bit excited.
actually.
helen was like - this is wrong because ur not, but recently i have been getting...and it feels really cool! but still have this blasted essay damn it, and i dont want to be tired. erk.

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February 26th, 2007


07:32 pm
me and helen are about to go kick pauls arse!

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February 25th, 2007


11:29 pm - pissed (off)
right,
just to clarify, i am NOones property. no ones at all. why the fuck then (why?) do people seem think that they hold some sort of authority over me and my actions? no one has any right to try to control what i do or do not do.GEEZ. some people around here are so intense. its starting to piss me off. sorry started to?
am watching allo allo - joe burrows also like watching. am so excited - feels like im home again.can remember sitting in my sitting room watching it with daddy. mum is getting stressed again just yelled at for 15 mins.
hoe hum.

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February 24th, 2007


09:53 pm - UPDATE
ok, you know when the song 'what is love' came on, apparently PAUL and sandy did the you me you me thing to helen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JOKES (helen said thanks for that!) hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. also they did whole turn away thing and then heAD bOP! Although we all did that and went pretty mental. ooh im listening to shes a lady that i amxxxx

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08:58 pm - angel
yo homes.
am so so so tired. just had a rather magnificent dinner - noodles, ramen style, with 3 babybel light. helen ate with me, and we watched an american tale which was oh so cute. i had a fairly productive day today. i woke up at 9, did my latin homework and emailed it in, then had shower, went to the library, called my mum - im trying to be patient and am calling her as much as possible - i didnt realise how difficult it was for her at the moment. i then went into town where i went to the bod for 2hrs and read a bit of one of the kzillion books i have to read for this weeks essay, and then i went to this fair trade fashion thing at the union where i bought a pair of earrings for £2, and finally to sainsburys where i got 2 bags of amazing clementines for £2, and then the sackler where after spending 20mins finding a book, i got to the desk only to be told that they had just shut down the system and oh sorry i couldnt have the book but if i would be so kind as to fill in a overnight slip they could hold it there till monday. i hate it when that happens.
also my laptop is working again! i can listen to music yay!
yesterday was SO much fun. me, helen, sandy, paul, niall went to filth- and gezza came too as did hannah o and nat and a bunch of other cool people. me and helen were wearing prozzie lipstick which was a lot of fun - we got niall and paul to put some on too which was hillarious - me and helen kissed niall and gerard on both cheeks so they looked super cool the whole time. the night started out rather slow - there was no one there to start with, but then we got some drinks - me and hellie got vodka shots (2/3?), vodka red bull, a couple of cocktails and a couple of smirnoffs. paul and niall were really far gone - they had champagne and then 7 or 8 absynth shots each and this weird black drink which they got for free from the bar man cos they kept tipping him. we hit the dance floor like there was no tomorrow - did a bit of x file style dancage naturellement, then some meaningless dirty dancing - danced with niall or fox should i say, which was loadsa fun - every so often hed go 'ooh scully, a whole new side to you ive never seen before' and id say 'ooh fox, likewise' INJOKE and danced with sandy too although that was apparently a bit too much - helen got really angry with him afterwards although i think thats because she thought that i was feeling really vulnerable and that i was far more pissed than i actually was (i did trip over something/someone on my way to the bathroom), and also she got really annoyed about the whole laura thing which is totalyl understandable. i thought it was all a bit of fun really - it was only a dance! paul got a bit stressed about it though - after helen and sandy left at like 5am, we were chatting and he said oh what happened with you and sandy dancing. i was like erm clearly it was a dance (???!!!) and then i tried to emphasise that a dance is only a dance and he said 'a dance is what you make of it'. also apparently helen was talking to him about it today, and said that she got mad at sandy because of the fact that it was he who started etc, and paul said 'it takes two to tango' which is true, but i mean IT WAS ONLY A DANCE grow up seriously. me and helen thought he was gay yesterday! he was acting all camp, like draped over niall, kept dirty dancing with him - and no one else! i thiink the red lipstick got to him a bit. he also kissed sandy on the cheek which pleased ssandy to no end! also OMG the best best moment - they played what is love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and niall and paul did the whole you me you me thing to sandy who actually tried to jump on top of me and helen to get away. we kept having dance offs during the night too - me and helen and occasionally hannah, versus paul and niall. we clearly won although the other two deny it constantly. ricky martin played too which niall went MENTAL to! it was just a brilliant night, like loadsa fun, just dancin and playing around which is always fun. i never realised how many sleezy people there are out there though. guys just kept coming up and grabbing me so did the whole flick hair walk away; an also mlord - the sllllleeeeezzzziest cloakroom/barman. ok when we first got there i handed in my coat and he just stared at me for 2mins so i was like ok maybe hes got mental problems, then me and hellie went up to the bar, and again he stood next to me about an inch from my face and just stared at me. then later when we were all dancing, he bent down to pick up some glasses from the floor, and brushed his hand over helens leg and looked up her skirt (!!!!) and then came up to me later and jsut grabbed my arm. me and helen just stared at him for a minute without saying anything and he let go. we left at 2.15 - when we came back, me helen and sandy took a taxi and paul and niall walked it and stopped off at houssains to get some chips n cheese. helen and sand came back to my room, where helen fell asleep ( i threw a blanket over her so that she wasnt cold) and me and sand stayed up and chatted. then pole came back, sat on the chair hugging my pillow then just shlunk onto the floor and basically passed out for 5 hrs. they left at 5.10 or soemthing then i cudnt be arsed to move and get poles keys out my bag - mainly because the green heels buff thoguh they are KILLED my feet, im still in pain, so he slept on the floor for a bit, then got really cold and i fell asleep. he left at 6.15 apparently.
am now listening to all that jazz. ooh. yeah.
why wont my dad call???!!!! i realllllllly miss him and want to talk to him so so so much. mummy misses him too- i didnt realise. i phoned her today and told her and she said me too. ooh im listening to the beatles! love this song!d back in the ussr. helen is back again! whoop! shes siting against the radiator.
oh though - my dream, the weird one i had during my nap the other day kinda came tru....spooky!
pole and sandwitch went out to see a movie in jericho. wez just chillin'. back in the uss back in the ussr.
i feel strangely satisfied.
yum
listening to revolution by the beatles. shall leave now, helen looks bored. ill bop off............(whoop!)
Current Location: mi casa
Current Music: dont you know its gonna be alright ALRIGHT alright...(revol)

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February 22nd, 2007


07:28 pm - rather.
am rather bored.
of life in general at the moment.
cant wait till 9th week. if i have it my way, ill be in oxford, alone, working, and just having some space. early morning walks, mid afternoon naps, discovering the deepest and darkest secrets of oxford. nice.
suis je triste mais je ne sais pas pourquoi. c'est pas meme que je suis triste, je me sens differente...le fatigue ca ne va pas. mais alors pourquoi est ce que je suis ici encore...?
oh aussi je suis decu avec quelques gens. beaucoup de gens.
so so sleepy
yeah im pissed off. but am not at all justified in my pissed offedness. you know it. oh whale.
miss daddy.
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Current Location: my room
Current Mood: thirstythirsty

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05:57 pm - Hunger strikes
had a rather interesting tute today. the first 6 mins were so ridiculously awkward. he kept talking about Agamemnon and the scene i had skimmed right at the end, and i didnt really have anything constructive to say,so i sorta nodded and smiled for a while. also doesnt help that i got what 3 hrs of sleep last night. then - half way through the 7th min, the stale diet coke i had swilled about my mouth the second before my encounter with the rather dashing mr jenkyns kicked in and i was off - started to discuss the composition of battle scenes which i did actually know something about. also at the end i managed to trap him in my argument - twas awesome, i had to tweak it slightly but he just sat there for like 4 mins trying to get out of it and failing! but merde actually - apprenltly sam says hes going on sabbatical for 4 years! thats awful. ho hum.
had greek this morn - kit was there but i didnt sit next to him cos i was late. screwed up my test. hes really sweet though - he didnt notice that id come - cos i was so late, and left immediatlye to do the reading for my tute, but he texted me 2 mins after class and was like are you ok. then got really into the whole hans thing again - and said alls fair in love and greek. hes really sweet - one of the few details of sat that i can remember is him saying i do hope that after milc we'll still keep in touch!
saw em again bored of. she was like oh hows life - i fancy everyone at the moment, incl the lmher which just pisses me off cos hes sooooo nice. and she wil just screw him up liek she does everyone. so i kept our meeting brief and said oh look at the time, keep in touch bye bye now and positively hopped out of schools. also avoided the rose, again angel, and love him dearly but not whilst the dreyf is about. he stilll owes me a walk but tbh dont think i can take him atm. might get intouch with grant though! havent seen him in ageeees. am going to invite amy and emily to tea, might as well get him to come over too have major catch uppage find out the new college goss. nat was ranting about his height the other day. and the fact that adam is 6'3!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hes only 6)
yeah and im 5'5. JUST! josh never came :( but tbh wehen cud he have? next term mayb. helen thinks hes ridiculously good looking too - photo of him in africa.
anyhoo seriously where the hell is helen (see what i did there?) am starving. right will write back laters.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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February 15th, 2007


12:12 pm - 13 mins past...
have had 3 hrs sleep
have yet to have food or drink
GEEEEEz its 12.13 - ok this is reeeeeeeeeeeally weird, but i keep looking at the clock at exactly 13 past. this happened last night too - i checked my phone at 10.13, then 12.13 then 02.13 this morning. spooky non? also my flat number at home is wait for it....13. tis also my lucky number. okay if i see thirteen past thirteen times in total ill know something weird is happening . maybe a cosmic disturbance bloody taplin all i can think about is the homeric theogony and the cosmos. god this makes for thrilling reading. the ravings of a cuillon. caudex more like it.furcifer. smikros.
am so so so so so screwed re this essay - wrote it last night - cant actually remember writing most of it. am now typing it out and im bored. poor richard. poor me when he lets out the ol RAGE. not that id blame him. ALSO the bastard of a computer this is deleted half my essay - just crashed and i lost everything. was in shock for 3 mins. harrowing experience.
my college father is interesting dunno whether i like him or not- i dont really get him. sandy fancies our mother!!! talk about incest. but then again we are classicists...
cant cant cant cant wait till leila gets here! were jus gonna eat. tis all and chat, and watch something. im so so so sos os so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so o so so so so excited. love her so much. and havent properly spoken since id say september.

right back to essaye. thrillsville
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Current Mood: awake

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01:26 am - essay crisis/fifth week blues? - self deprecating/deploring drivel...the storm before the calm...
tout sera bien.
leila viendra demain et alors tout sera bien encore. j'ai parle avec ellie apres le diner. ca m'a fait beaucoup de plaisir. je lui ai dit tous ce que je sentais. ca m'a frappe qu'elle a pu comprendre. en ce moment la je me sens calme. j'ai pas fini mon travail mais alors quoi faire?c'est pas le fin du monde alors.
j'aime gerard tant, il est toujours la, et encore je me sens tres proche a lui. il me comprends, et bien il me fais rire moi meme. ca c'est vraiment important. je pense qu'il est un de mes vrai et bien sur meilleur amis ici. des que la premiere semaine l'annee derniere j'ai pense qu'il etait chouette, je ne savais jamais qu'il serait si important pour moi et ma sanite.
eh bien quoi faire? tout sera bien encore..

tu ne quaesieris, scire nefas, quem mihi quem tibi, finem di dederint Leuconoe, nec Babylonius temptaris numeros. ut melius quidquid erit pati, seu plures hiemes seu tribuit Iuppitter ultimam quae nunc oppossitis debilitat pumicibus mare Tyrrhenum. sapias vina liques et spatio brevi spem longam reseces dum loquimur fugerit invida aetas, carpe diem quam minimum credula postero.
horace ode 1.11 de memoire dontcha know. god im cool.

this week has been rather crap to be perfectly honest. i have used live journal far far too many times. i swear its not good for my health. its addictive too im sure. just everything seemed to be falling out of place for a while. loss of control...not that im a control freak or anything...(well maybe just a little one or a midget freak of one as ellie would say) today though it all sorta snapped back into place. i just stopped caring. i say today. i really mean now, at this precise moment. things have just clicked. shnapp (crackle pop). god i think im finally growing up! funny at the start of tonight i felt like such a spoilt brat. i was half ready to give up, almost on the point of sheer self destruction at the thought of 4 more years here, but now bring it on say I. why the hell not? god i miss pg wodehouse! bertram wilberforce worcester! aunt agatha...ah the memories...much better than allo allo for shizz. also stephen fry IS the love of my life.
ive been through so much crap before this tho. spoilt bratdom again tis truu tho. merlin hahahaha, spgs (hahahaha) home (!) im not going to let this place get to me. the most important thing to remember is that i have another life. oxford isnt the world. at spgs i kinda got completely swallowed up by the place. it became my life, i became workaholic-ated and everything was about the school i remember on the last ever day i couldnt stop crying - even thorugh i was coming back the very next day for an exam, i actually felt like my heart had been broken in two then again i do seem to get things i realllllly care about taken away from me. mauritius for one, an like half my family - the half that mattered. school was just one too many cos sad though it is it felt more like home than home actually did. i had my friends there, and also i sorta made it mine. at the ol maison i just feel out of place, everythings been shifted around and also daddy sorta has control of the whole tihng. thats not going to happen here. not at all. no way jose. i have so much back home. not actually at home, but u know what i mean. cant wait to get back to my music, to start playing the piano properly agian, strumming along on me guitar and pissing off my dad, READING, writing - in a journal, and then there was that ridikulus piece i was working on which was rather fine if i say so myself, drawing, exercise along to davina!!!!!. the thing about this place is that no one really knows me.people pretend to - and they do it rather well. im a bit scared of telling ppl stuff though cos i mean at this college everything gets around. this place sort of destroys you. last term it was helen and this term me. from that thing paul said in first week, to argument major stressivo with sandy, again HURTFUL to everything. but i guess what doesnt kill u can only make u stronger. but why the hell does it have to hurt so damn much. i kinda feel like ive made a huge mistake coming here, not in terms of whether i can handle it or not because oh yes i can and even if i cant i will, sjust that i dunno - subjectwise...i was talking to gerard about this...also things at the moment are going really fast. we're not getting deep enough into things. i suppose thats my own fault really though.
anyhoo shall go now, do some greek then get into bed and have a few hours of blissful sleep. tomorrows tute should be fun. am thinking about doing logic for philosophy btw.
also fuck it am going to throw myself into the spirit of it all. had chattage with elmin, am going to do yoga if i can find a class - my mum will spring, and then get involved with this musical - just something small but significant, and also french!!! now that i know where the lang centre is. i dont have enough time as it is but what the hell i dont really care anymore about nething and i know it will get me back into routine - tbh things only really fell apart when i lost that - the first few weeks here were pretty good.
hang on its fifth week...finally an understanding!
geez m'bleez there must be a draft in here its sooooo coooooold. am still shivering and im wearing tracky bums and my huge yas hoodie.shall put on the giant purple socks to complete the look. buff.
things i have to do:
tidy room
dishes
washing
get over self!!!!!!!
write email bak to chris Ustice aka love of my life and general amazing homo sapiens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!and invite to london/oxford -he remembered the bikkits!
write email to clare!!!!!!!!!!!!!actually both clares - ok speak to sam about that too
crraaaaaaaaaaap forgot about leila and ellies bday cards/presents fuck it am going to have to do somthing about that really really soon. oops.
smile.

x

ps CAAANT wait to see leila!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and neeeed a hug so badly it hurts. no one to hug here :(
pps should probably call home at some point
ppps seem to have screwed up my live journal page. what will happen when i press the button...who nose. not me thats for shore.
la vie est belle. that it is. okay i should sleep NOW.
Current Mood: coldcold

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